desperation, i have never felt you this way before. you were here before, but i want you so bad. like a runaway lover, elusion was, and it still is. these supervening events, they seem to frustrate every chance i've got. or maybe there is an order, that is how word becomes flesh. action seems to outplay me, now and again. even the famed human spirit plays second fiddle (let's not generalize maybe its just mine) but thankfully you have eyes that pierce into the depths of me, into my essence of being, and i wonder what do you see. do you see a stirring of change, or do you just see a deranged radio that that hums the same melody?

i yield to he who lifts me up, to a place of rest, serenity. a nexus of the unseen, of faith. not for the things yet to come, but for things that already are. i lean not on my own understanding, but on the vine, the galaktias source of it all. why do i love (or aspire to?), simply because he first loved me.

its no surprise that that university is the hotbed of intellectual rebirth but i'm slowly beginning to find that happening. i hope that somehow we will make good on our protracted arguments, and not let this end in hot air activism, the kind that apparently plagues LSE, or more historically, the stoic philosophers and the sort

I have stopped believing

today i caught a movie, The Red Spot, from the german film festival thats going on till the 22nd of November. for me, it was an unsuspecting film in more ways than one, reason being perhaps because the japanese director herself concocted this story over several years while working as a translator in germany. interesting characters are usually good storytellers. there is such a quiet allure of these arthouse films that seem to draw me back again and again even it usually doesn't stimulate much thought and its no visual overload either, but there's this transcendent tete-a-tete thats going on as the reel of film rolls...

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Baruch's plight

“And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them; for behold, I will bring adversity on all flesh,” says the LORD. “But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go.” Jeremiah 45:5

this has not been a good semester so far, grades wise, but i will try to ebb the tide of ill feeling as i go into the last 4 weeks. on the brighter note, i have managed to amass presently unneeded extra-curricular knowledge (a good indication of improper time allocation) through the multitude of unread dusty books on the shelf (finally done with catcher in the rye,started on Great Gatsby and Dante's Purgatory), documentaries and of course, getting to read the bible more often.

It's a great life, but I need to pull up my socks now

I returned and saw under the sun that—The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11